Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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