He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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