dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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