Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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