Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
