FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
