I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
