He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
