Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
