I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
