I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
