so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
