I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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