omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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