Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
