what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
