Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
