..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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