Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
