Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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