what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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