i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
