I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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