I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
