I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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