shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
