Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize