They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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