I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
