After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Found your dick twin last night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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