Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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