I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
