i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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