Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
