just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
