check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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