it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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