I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We are all done wearing pants today
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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