how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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