I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
