I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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