I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
