i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just puked most of my soul out..
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