I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
