Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i now understand why vodka
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
