I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
