People in love make me want to vomit
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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