Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
