whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
