doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
