He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
