Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
