Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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