tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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