peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
