My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
