I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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