hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
