i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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