If that was your dad, he is hot
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
