I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
