i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
