the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize