yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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