I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
