I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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