You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
