i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
