i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
