grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
