I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
