...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
