In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
