We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
