I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
