Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
